A Bittersweet Thanksgiving Day...

Three years ago today my Dad passed away. Today is Thanksgiving…a day I'm supposed to be thankful for all I have. That's a little hard to do when you're missing people that aren't in your life anymore…like my Dad, & my sister who passed away unexpectedly last year. As I've thought about Thanksgiving the last few days & what I am grateful for & how grateful I am for the time I got to spend with my Dad my thoughts keep going back to the last Thanksgiving we had with him. And also the Thanksgiving the following year.
The last Thanksgiving we had with him, November 2010, we tried to pretend like things were "normal". Like our Dad wasn't stuck at his house with a few family members helping him as he was dying from cancer. But of course in the back of our minds we all knew what would take place the next few days. We all knew the void we felt that year, would be felt ten times stronger the following year. Knowing that following our dinner we couldn't all go back to our Dad's house & surround him in his last days on this earth.
The year after he passed away, November 2011, I made a "Thankful Tree" in honor of our Dad. I put his picture next to it. So that maybe it would help feel that void & kind of like he was there. Each family member filled out a paper listing reasons were were Thankful for our Dad & what our greatest memory was with him. If I knew where those papers were at this 1:00am hour I would list what some family members wrote. But it looks like those will have to be posted another time. What I do know is that I never filled out one of those papers myself. I'm not sure why but I think I felt like it made his loss a little too final at that moment in my life. & I wasn't ready for that then.
So, on this bittersweet Thanksgiving day where I am surrounded by so many things to be thankful for…let me write about someone who is no longer with me physically…but who would never leave me alone spiritually. I will write what I should have written on that paper 2 years ago.
I am thankful for my Dad because he was the greatest example of what a father, husband and friend should be. He was a faithful member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. He lived what he believed. He honored his priesthood and lived every day faithful to who he knew he should be. He loved everyone. I know he loved me.
My most favorite memories with my Dad are the many times fishing together when I was younger. He let me play with the worms and poke the fishes eyeballs. (Not something I enjoy doing anymore! ;) Another favorite memory is going to the beach almost every Monday for family night when we lived in California. I remember how he gave advice in the most loving and kindest way but only when he knew I needed it or was ready to hear it. I remember coming home from my very first high school dance & seeing my Dad & brothers spying out the window. I remember the first time I got home waaaay too late one night & my Dad was sitting on the front porch waiting for me. He never said a word but I knew by the look on his face that he was not happy with me. I remember helping him peel potatoes for Sunday dinner. I remember a snow ball fight we had once in our front yard. I remember decorating the Christmas tree together. I remember he was at every dance performance or play or choir concert even though I'm sure he didn't always want to be there.
Do you want to know the greatest of all time memories I will always have of my Dad…dancing with him at my wedding just three years before he died. I remember him telling me how pretty I looked. And then he looked at me & said, "You know your mom is here too." I remember tears filling my eyes and all I could do was smile & nod my head in agreement that I knew she was. That I knew she always had been. That I knew she always would be. He taught me in his own way that this life is not the end. That life is eternal. That our loved ones are always with us. And although I don't feel him near me the same way I do my mom, or my sister, I know in his quiet way, just like he did when he was alive, that he is with me still….always has been & always will be.
On this bittersweet Thanksgiving Day I am so thankful for my Dad. I am thankful for the 29 years I got to spend with him. I am thankful for all that he taught me. I am thankful for the many, many things and people I have been blessed with in my life. And as hard as it is to feel the void of our loved ones not being with us physically, what a great feeling it is to know that they are there spiritually. Thank you Dad for teaching me that. Miss you Poppy!
Love, your sweet pea, "Jeej"

The truth is....

I miss you. I have had this sentence running through my head for months now. I have debated whether to post to this blog or not because I don't want people to feel bad for me. Sometimes I would just rather keep my thoughts and feelings to myself & let the world think I am fine. But it's not going away. So, I think it's time to get it out. I feel like as you were dying I had to go through "the stages of grief" so quickly. & I was ok with that. I had accepted your death and I knew I was going to be alright. I feel blessed that I was able to experience your death and be right next to you through it all because it made death "easier" for me...unlike Mom's death that was so sudden and unexpected.
But sometime shortly after Father's Day last year I started to feel that "anger stage" again. Only this time I wasn't  mad at the situation I was having to deal with...I was mad at you. A small part of me was mad at you for leaving...but the bigger part of me was mad that I can't feel your presence in my life like I did those first 6 months after you passed away. I kept telling myself that it was okay...that there were others who needed you more than I do. & that is probably true. But  on the 1 year anniversary of your death, November 28, 2011 and through out the holidays especially....I thought I would feel something. But instead...nothing. & it hurts. I know you weren't a man of many words, you weren't someone to be the first to give a hug when it was needed, you had your quiet way of expressing your feelings and showing your love. But really...do you have to be that way still??
I hate admitting that I feel this way...I hate even more that I even feel this way. I very rarely ever felt anger toward you when you were alive...so I hate that I am feeling this way now & I can't even talk to you about it. I hate that I can't pick up the phone and call your house and hear your voice. I hate that I will be having my second baby in August & I won't hear your voice on the other side of the curtain say, "Way to go Jeej!" when that baby comes out crying. I hate that I wasn't even 30 years old yet but both of my parents were dead. I hate that I will lose the third parent I have had in my life, Cathy, to either Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma  or her relocating back to Las Vegas. I could keep going...but I will stop now. Apparently, there are a lot of things I hate right now. :)
I know...I will get over this "stage". I know we are given our trials for a reason. I know they make us stronger people. I know we learn from them. I know I will feel your presence someday...hopefully sooner rather than later. I know that I will see you again someday. That the way you taught us to live is true. I know that I am feeling this way because I love you. & it's hard to lose someone you love.
I am not quite sure how to end this post. A part of me is a little embarrassed to share my feelings so openly. I guess I am somewhat like my Dad in that way. But I hope this post, or this blog touches someone in someway that will help them. So I will share it with you. Life isn't perfect. Death isn't perfect. I'm not perfect. & the way we feel sometimes isn't perfect. & that's ok.
Now, in the words of my Dad...& in the words of Chevy Chase, "Where's the Tylenol?!" :)    

Happy Birthday in Heaven....

(unfortunately this was our last family picture...where EVERY member at the time was in it..

as you can see...we love to have fun...& it shows our true family!)

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD**

LOVE YOUR CRAZY FAMILY!!!

WE MISS YOU & WISH YOU WERE STILL HERE WITH US TO CELEBRATE!

Dad would have been 69 today. I remember throughout the year before his birthday last year he made a lot of comments about how he didn't think he would live to be that old. For some reason the number "68" always stood out in his mind. Well he made it to "68" & I remember telling him, "You did it! You made it to 68! Now you can make it to lots more!" Life had a different plan for Dad & I think Dad knew it...but really...it's okay! I am just grateful for the day that my Dad was born...so that we could be a part of his life & a part of this family that he raised! Craziness & all!!!

Love you Daddy! Don't forget to make a wish! :)



Anniversary......

Today marks the 47th wedding anniversary of my Mom & Dad....for the first time in 21 years they are spending this day together......what a happy thought!
In my Mom's journal she wrote......
 "April 11, 1964, our wedding day....it was kind of unique due to the fact that we had two weddings. You see, I had tried to prepare my mother for this day from the time I was a teenager & first learned about temple marriage. Now that the time had arrived, she was crushed to think that she would be unable to see her daughter be married, due to the fact that she and my dad were not members of the church.
 My first impulse was to say, 'Well, that's just too bad. You've had all kinds of opportunities to join the church & didn't.' But again, that thought was crowded by a calm feeling that said, 'Wait & be still.'
 I talked to Ozzie about the problem, who in turn checked with his Bishop. We discovered that with permission from the Prophet, President David O. McKay...we could have a chapel service Saturday, April, 11 at 9:00 AM, then immediately go to the Los Angeles temple to be sealed.
 If you have never experienced a temple marriage, you will not understand my feelings. The chapel service felt so incomplete compared to the temple ceremony....to have the temple president seal you as husband & wife for time & all eternity. This brings unspeakable joy to your soul!
 Oh, my dearest children, please settle for nothing less! Keep yourself pure & wholesome & always in tune with the promptings of the spirit so that you too may know that your mate had the approval of our Father in Heaven. And that you will be united for time & all eternity!
 We spent our Honeymoon in Carmel, California. A beautiful ocean front resort."

I wonder if my parents are spending the day together again in Carmel, California at that "beautiful ocean front resort"...........
Wherever they are...I am grateful for the knowledge that they are together again. I am grateful for a mother who was strong enough to accept the gospel despite her parents beliefs. I am grateful for a father who was born into the gospel & lived his life the way a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints should. How grateful I am for their decision to marry in the temple & to have 7 children...to raise us in the gospel & teach us by example the way that we should live to be an eternal family.
Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad! We love you & miss you both!

a dream.....

Yes...I know...you have every right to call me a slacker! :) I looked at this blog & saw the # has continued to increase of people who have read these words...so obviously someone out there is looking for another post...I can't let you down whoever you are! :) I read through this blog for the first time in a while a few days ago....it left me with a massive headache afterward from crying....but crying is okay!
I titled this post..."a dream"...because honestly....the last few months the whole experience I wrote about my Dad's cancer & passing away still felt like it was just a dream. There have been days my mind hasn't grasped that it has really happened. & then have been days when I know it has & I am mad because I can't feel him around me & I think about my little girl growing up without knowing her Grandpa.
I think I have mentioned that I was 8 years old when my mom passed away. I remember that day like it was yesterday. From the moment I woke up that morning, August 2, 1989....I felt my mom was near me. I can still see the beautiful clear blue sky outside, the sun shining that morning as I opened my eyes. You wouldn't think the day your mom passed away you would have such a wonderful memory attached to it but lucky for me, it had one good memory....I have known for almost 22 years now, that memory was for me from my Mom...because every time I see a blue sky...I think of her...every time I see a rainbow...I feel her & I know she sent it for me because there are times when I have needed  to feel her near me in my life...& at that moment I see a rainbow...with blue sky near by.
With my Dads passing....it's been different.....until 2 nights ago!!!! I have just been telling myself when I have felt this anger of not being able to feel him near me that there are others who are needing him more than I do. Which is probably true. But every once in a while a girl needs her Daddy! & 2 nights ago I was needing my Daddy! I went to sleep feeling a little bit of anger that I still hadn't experienced anything....& then I had a dream......
I really couldn't tell you what was happening before this point in my dream....but all of the sudden out of no where....I saw my Dad & my Mom together....there was another man next to my Mom & in my dream I remember thinking that was my Mom's Dad, Eino....that my Dad had mentioned seeing before he passed away. I couldn't tell you for sure if that's who this other man was because I never met him....I have never seen a picture of him....but the moment I saw my Mom & Dad together I started crying...& I remember saying over & over again "Thank you! Thank you!" I never touched them or talked to them & I don't remember anything else about my dream after this point....but I woke up the next morning feeling peace. I have always known that my parents were together again...but to see that in my dream brought greater reassurance...& happiness. That dream was what I needed. I have had dreams since my Dad's passing with him in them....but NONE of them have been like this one!
I do believe in life after death....I do believe families are forever....& I do believe that our loved ones who have passed away are near us & they know when we need them the most.
As I was searching for a poem I like that comes to my mind sometimes I came across a "you tube" video & lyrics to this song....I hope it brings comfort to you, like it did to me.....hopefully someday I will see a double rainbow & know that it's from my Mom & my Dad!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFc5sdn78b0

Look for me in Rainbows

Time for me to go now, I won't say goodbye;
Look for me in rainbows, way up in the sky.
In the morning sunrise when all the world is new,
Just look for me and love me, as you know I loved you.

Time for me to leave you, I won't say goodbye;
Look for me in rainbows, high up in the sky.
In the evening sunset, when all the world is through,
Just look for me and love me, and I'll be close to you.

It won't be forever, the day will come and then
My loving arms will hold you, when we meet again.

Time for us to part now, we won't say goodbye;
Look for me in rainbows, shining in the sky.
Every waking moment, and all your whole life through
Just look for me and love me, as you know I loved you.

Just wish me to be near you,
And I'll be there with you.

Music and lyrics: Conn Bernard (1990). Vicki Brown

Christmas.....

No...I haven't forgotten about this blog. It still crosses my mind every single day. But it's still a little hard to post & talk about my Dad in the past tense. Christmas wasn't easy & definitely not as exciting this year. For the first time in my life...I felt a little bit like Scrooge....it was hard to truly find that "Christmas spirit". As I shopped for presents this year, every time I was in a store the thought "what should I get my Dad for Christmas" popped into my head & then I would remember he was no longer physically here. Christmas morning felt especially unusual...most Christmas mornings I have spent helping & watching Dad cook a big breakfast of sausage, hash browns, eggs, bacon, pancakes, etc. for all of us. This year I sat at a table eating Raisin Bran. It's strange to finally realize how important family traditions are. How much you miss them when they no longer happen. How much I missed my Dad that day. I knew I couldn't give my Dad a physical present for Christmas but I did go to the Farmington City Cemetery on Christmas for the first time since the funeral to wish him a Merry Christmas in Heaven. I really could feel his & my mom's presence there. I have ALWAYS felt my mom's presence there...but it felt so much different there this time...to look at the headstone & see the date of death for my Dad engraved there too...

I looked at the two hands clasped as I stood there crying.....I knew that they were holding eachother's hands in heaven....spending Christmas together again for the first time in 21 years. A feeling of peace came over me & I knew life is the way it should be. I knew that the best present I could give to my Dad is to live my life the way he & my Mom & my amazing step-mom have taught me to live. To live so that I can see them again someday & that we can be an eternal family. My Dad gave me the best present of all...raising me & teaching me to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. & for this I am truly thankful! There is no greater peace than believing & knowing that Families Are Forever & knowing that I can & will see my parents again someday. Thank you Dad! 

I read this Christmas poem a few weeks ago from someone in my ward & I also received it in an email from my Aunt. It hasn't left my mind...so I thought I would share it with all of you. I know Dad had a wonderful Christmas in Heaven!

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below,

With tiny lights, like heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear,

For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear

But the sounds of music can’t compare with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,

For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me.  I see the pain inside your heart,

But I am not so far away.  We really aren’t apart.

So be happy for me dear ones.  You know I hold you dear,

And be glad I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I send you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.

I send you each a memory of my undying love.

After all, love is the gift, more precious than pure gold.

It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do.

For I can’t count the blessings or love He has for each of you.

So, have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.

Remember, I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

To listen to the funeral service....

I know there were many of you who were not able to attend the funeral services for our Dad. If you would like to listen to the service you can go to http://www.funeralrecording.com/. In the upper right hand corner click on "Listen to a service". In the search field type in - Osmyn Merritt Williams. Then click play.
This recording will be available to listen to until March 9, 2011.
I will warn you it is a tad long....but that's only because of the amazing person our Dad was & all the wonderful stories the speakers had to share! :)

How blessed we are.....

I know I still haven't posted a more detailed obituary than what was in the paper...I think a small part of that is because my brain has been so tired & hasn't fully comprehended that this has all happened. I know it has...but it's a little weird to talk about my Dad in the past tense. I have lived away from home for about eight years now & so I think the part of my brain that hasn't completely grasped the reality of this all yet is just thinking that he is still sitting at home in his recliner chair watching his favorite TV shows. 

I was reading through a recipe book the other day (a love of cooking that I acquired from my Dad...who was the best cook in the world! I still have some work to do :]) & as I was reading a question came to my mind, I thought, "Oh I can just call my Dad & ask him!" & then I remembered....oh wait....no I can't. It's a good thing I have been blessed with some brothers who inherited the cooking skills my Dad had & I can still call them with my questions! They are the second best cooks in the world!

One thing I have learned through this trial is all of the blessing that come to those who are experiencing grief & pain in this life. It was wonderful to see all of you who came to the viewing/funeral, who have sent cards & messages on facebook & through emails. How blessed I feel to be a part of the West Bountiful 9th ward....they stepped in without any complaint & without even knowing my Dad or the rest of my family & they supplied us with a yummy dinner at the church after the funeral services so that burden was taken off of our own shoulders! We didn't HAVE to have a luncheon but "funeral tradition" around here is to have one & my family is one that likes to eat & spend time together....after the week we had we all needed that time together. How thankful we are to all of you! For the flowers...the money...the hugs...the phone calls....the gifts. How blessed we are to be able to share this life with all of you! 

It's been a few days since I have checked my email....& even looked at this blog...I think last Friday when I posted about the address change was the last time I looked. As I was going through my emails today I came upon this sweet message.....   

"Hi to all of you. My name is Lanny Shea, I was a friend of your Mom and Dad's when you all lived on Broadway and we lived on Sandy Lane. Your father was our home teacher. He was so good to come all the time and to remember birthdays and other happy days in our lives. We spent time with your family on social occasions and just enjoyed the company of you and your fine and wonderful parents. The time I remember most was at an Elder's Quarom social "it was a sock hop" your mom and I had dressed the part and we sang many of the songs that were being played it was so fun.

You are so blessed to have your parents and for them teaching you so well the gospel of Jesus Christ. We all pray for you and we love you and your Mom and Dad so much. You are a good family hang on tight to each other and it will get you through. May the Lord bless all of you, may He send his peace and his comfort to you and may you feel His spirit wrap you in his arms so that you know that he is there with you.  Love Lanny Shea (Lisa Sowards Mom)"

Lanny thank you so much for taking the time to send me that message. I am not sure if I was even born yet when we lived on Broadway but I know there are amazing people, like you, from our past that bless us with the memories we have. You are so right....we truly are so blessed to have the parents we have had & for their teaching us the gospel & being the best examples of the way we should live our lives! I know this & I am thankful every day for them!

I promise, promise promise, I will get a more detailed obituary posted to this blog. & even though my Dad's life has ended I know the stories, pictures & his legacy has not ended. I would like to still share stories & pictures of his life....for if we talk about our loved ones who have passed on, we will never forget them.....& I don't ever want to forget this great man! So please check back often & if you think of any stories or words to share....please feel free to email

jiggyjaydub@hotmail.com

ADDRESS CORRECTION FOR CHURCH LOCATION....

THE CORRECT ADDRESS FOR THE CHURCH SERVICE ON SATURDAY, DECEMBER 4, 2010

1533 N. 1075 W. FARMINGTON, UT

We were given the wrong address for the church. Sorry for any inconvenience & we hope this gets to all you in time!

Work in progress...

I am working on getting a more detailed obituary posted to the blog. Please be patient with me....I have had LOTS to do the last few days. I will get it posted ASAP.
Here is written directions for the mortuary in Farmington....
North Bound I-15:  Take the North Bound Hwy 89 Exit (exit 324) toward South Ogden. Not long after, you will take the Kaysville/Fruit Heights exit (exit 397). Turn left at the light and you will see Cherry Hill on your right and Russon Brothers on your left.

South Bound I-15: You can either take the 200 N Kaysville exit and travel East to Main Street. Turn right on Main Street and go South quite a ways past Davis High School. Keep traveling a ways and eventually you will see Russon Brothers on your right and Cherry Hill on your left before you come to the Hwy 89 overpass.
OR
Travel South on I-15 all the way until the Farmington exit and back track on Hwy 89 North Bound and then take the Kaysville/Fruit Heights exit (exit 397). Turn left at the light and you will see Cherry Hill on your right and Russon Brothers on your left.

*The church for the services on Saturday is just south of Russon Brothers (not the church directly west across the street from the mortuary, but south about a half a mile down the hill.)
**Also the obituary will be in the Deseret News (Thursday paper) & the Ogden Standard Examiner (Friday paper). You can view it online at www.russonmortuary.com & sign a guestbook there as well.
Thank you again to everyone for your wonderful support & prayers at this time! We love you all!!!!!

Viewing & Funeral Information...

The viewing for our sweet Dad will be held

Friday, December, 3 2010
6:00 pm - 8:00 pm

Russon Brothers Mortuary - FARMINGTON location

1941 N Main Street

Farmington, UT 84025

The funeral services will be held

Saturday, December, 4 2010
12:45 pm - 1:45 pm - viewing prior to services
2:00 pm - funeral services in the chapel

Fairways Ward Building in FARMINGTON, Utah

1013 N 1100 W

Farmington, UT 84025

    

Oz will be buried next to his wife, Karen (who passed away August 2, 1989) in the Farmington City Cemetary

The time has come.....

This morning we lost our father, husband, grandfather, fishing buddy, & best friend.......

Osmyn Merritt Williams, Jr

May 7, 1942-November 28, 2010

Oh what a night......the last 24 hours was a little bit of a difficult journey....until the end. He laid in his bed, sleeping. The gurgling noises became louder, the breathing farther apart & every time he took a deep breath...we were waiting for it to be his last. Oz just wasn't ready to give up yet. He was such a strong man. Hours & hours & more hours passed. Eventually family members started leaving during the wee hours of the morning. I headed off to bed at about 5:00 am because emotionally & physically I just couldn't do it anymore. Kim & Heather stayed by Dad all night long. I woke up at 8:00 am & went back into his bedroom. His breathing patterns had changed a little bit over time.

I sat with Dad and read him every word from this blog. Before I started reading he seemed to be getting restless & the breathing became like a very loud sigh. After I read the blog he became more relaxed. I know he heard the words from all of us & realized what a wonderful life he has lived!

Oz was supposed to speak to his ward this morning at 9:00 am. He never made it. But I believe he didn't need to make it because he had a better calling & speech to give on the other side. We didn't need to hear those words because we already know what a strong & faithful member of the gospel that he is. He lived by example & showed faith in all things. Cathy turned on a church service of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir that plays on TV Sunday mornings. I think that music relaxed Dad. It seemed from about 9-10 o'clock Dad was trying to become more alert & open his eyes & even sometimes made some sort of reaction to questions we asked him. We all wondered what this meant....but prayed in our hearts that he would be taken from this life & free from the pain & suffering he has endured.

All morning long had been a big snow storm. Some of us siblings had even mentioned how Jared should not be driving Dad's car to Spanish Fork because the tires on it are old & it is not good in the snow. Sometime around 10:30-10:45 am Jared came into the room. Kim, Cathy & I were still sitting with Dad. Jared said to Dad, "Dad, I have to take my kids to Spanish Fork & drop them off to their mom. I will be back in a little while Dad. I only have to go to Spanish Fork this time though...not all the way to Blanding. I will see you in  a little while." Dad opened his eyes & looked right at Jared. We all were amazed at this since we had not seen those eyes in over 24 hours. Jared said, "Hi Dad. It's ok." Kim said, "Do you see Jared Dad?" Jared sat down in a chair to call his ex-wife to tell her that he was running late. Kim looked at Dad & said, "Hi Dad." Dad looked past Kim, had a look of excitement in his eyes & looked like he mouthed the word "Hi." Kim said, "Jenny, get over here! He can see us!" I started to walk over to Dad & I looked at his chest...as I had spent many hours doing all night long. I noticed it wasn't moving anymore like it had been. I said, "Kim! Cathy! His chest isn't moving anymore!!" I grabbed Dad's hand.....he took one large breath in....Cathy rushed over to his side by me...Kim yelled for the other kids to come....Dad took one more breath...kinda scrunched his shoulders up a little bit & peacefully left this life. What a sad but wonderful experience all at the same time.

About 15 minutes before Dad passed away, Cathy had called the hospice nurse because we were worried about his reactions & how it seemed like he was trying to come out of this comatose state. Just as Dad was taking his last breath, the hospice nurse rang the doorbell! She got there at just the right time.

After we spent a few minutes with him, the hospice nurse, Cathy & Paul changed Dad into an outfit so he could be taken to the mortuary. Cathy chose THE PERFECT outfit. Dad looked so handsome! Earlier this week Scott (Kim's husband who coaches football for Timpview High School in Provo, Utah) brought Dad a coaches warm up outfit that has the Timpview logo on the left corner of the chest. When Dad saw it he commented on how warm it felt & he was so excited to wear it sometime! Scott told Dad that he could wear it on the sidelines at next years games. Dad never had a chance to put that outfit on before he passed away. But we know that our Dad will there by Scott in spirit & cheering Timpview on to victory! Dad looked so peaceful. We all gathered around him for about 4 hours before the mortuary workers came. We laughed, we cried, we talked about our Daddy. I asked John to say a family prayer about 10 minutes before they came to take his body away. It was a beautiful prayer. Although we know our Dad is in a better & happier place....how sad it was to know that his body will no longer be in that house anymore. That we won't be able to pick up the phone & hear his voice. That we will no longer walk in his room & see him sitting in his chair watching some sort of CSI or crime investigation shows on TV. :) That we will no longer taste the amazing food he would cook....or the yummy Christmas breakfasts. We will no longer be able to turn to our Dad who was always a worthy, honorable priesthood holder & ask him for a father's blessing & feel his strong hands on our head. I know these memories will last forever! How grateful I am for a Heavenly Father who allows us to never forget our loved ones. We know the next few days...weeks...months...years there will be hard times...but we know the peace that comes from this gospel. Thank you Dad for always being an OUTSTANDING, HONORABLE member of the gospel. Thank you for the fun times & memories we will always hold near to our hearts! We know that your reunion with Mom was dear & special.....& we look forward to the day we will all be together again.

Funeral arrangements are being made tomorrow. We know the viewing will be held at Russon Brothers Mortuary in Farmington, Utah. As for times & dates....I will let you know. Thank you again to all of you for the love, support & prayers on behalf our Dad & our family.

The end of this road is near....

Here I sit in my Dad's bedroom. Surrounded by my sisters-Kim & Heather. My brothers-Joe, John, Jared, Jason, Paul. Brother-in-laws, sister-in-laws, nieces, nephews, Aunt Sue, Cathy & most importantly.....OUR DAD. Dad hasn't gotten up since probably 7:00 pm last night ( Friday, November 26). During the night his breathing became more gurgling & further apart. Today is has become worse. We have been surrounding him since about 1:00pm this afternoon. The hospice nurse came around noon & said that by looking at him the time frame was probably a few hours up to 24 hours. Later this evening the nurse came again & told us that it was probably a matter of hours or by morning.
As I have sat here for about 10 hours so many thoughts & memories have run through my head. All of us sat here for a few hours & sang church hymns to him. We have said many prayers & about an hour ago Scott (Kim's husband), Todd (my husband), John (Oz's 2nd oldest son), Jared (Oz's 3rd oldest son), & Mike (Cathy's nephew) surrounded our Dad & gave him a beautiful priesthood blessing to release him from this life. Although it is a sad time for those of us left behind.....it has been a peaceful, spiritual, & beautiful time.
A few days ago I remember saying I didn't know which way was worse to go through-having our Mom die unexpectedly & sudden back in 1989 or this way that my Dad is going-having to watch him 24/7 go through pain, confusion, anxiety & eventually be in this state of comatose that he is in. Honestly....neither way is really easy to go through....it's never fun losing a loved one to death...& now we have lost our Mom & are about to lose our Dad....but what an AMAZING process this way has been. Having spent the last week watching my Dad decline was so hard at first. The last few days a new feeling has taken over-to be able to feel the peace of knowing life is eternal, to be able to watch Dad see & communicate with family members who have already passed on from this life & to witness the dying process first hand. It has made death not so scary to me. It has helped strengthen my testimony of the gospel of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It has helped our family become closer & communicate & love each other stronger than we did before. It has made me realize how much I love my Dad. How much he loves each of us. I think he is having a hard time letting go because he doesn't want to leave us....because he loves us & has always loved us all so much!!! That is one thing I never questioned in my life....was how much my Dad loves his children & family. How blessed we are to know of this kind of love.
The last 2 days we have witnessed many miracles-
Thanksgiving night (Thursday November 25) Dad wasn't able to make it over to dinner at Joe's (Oz's oldest son). Cathy, John & Mike stayed home with Dad. The rest of us went over to Joe's for a few hours & then brought dinner back for the rest of our family. Most of us spent the night that night & took turns sitting with Dad. When Kim took her time with Dad-at about 5:00 am Friday morning Dad woke up to go to the bathroom. Scott & John helped Dad get there. When he came out he needed to sit down because he didn't have the strength left at that moment to get back to his bedroom. Kim said there was a moment that he was sitting there...he looked around Cathy & said to Kim, "Do you know where your mother is?" Kim said, "Is she here Dad?" He then said, "Where did that lady go?" He then looked over & said, "Hi Karen." We know that our Mom is here with him. I have felt her presence personally & I know she will be there to meet him when he passes away.
As the day went on yesterday (Friday, November 26) Dad became weaker & weaker. He kept wanting to get up to go to the bathroom but didn't even have the strength to stand up at all. He eventually became relaxed & wasn't moving at all. We realized yesterday that Cathy was not listed on Dad's bank accounts at all...not even as a beneficiary or payable on death. We knew that something needed to be done quickly. I used to work at America First Credit Union for about 8 years before I had my baby a year ago.....my "banker" brain broke in & we started brainstorming. We had some Power of Attorney papers already printed off from a few weeks ago but they never were signed by Dad. A miracle occurred....I no longer have my Notary abilities, there was no one in the ward/area that was around or available, Zion's bank didn't have "the manpower" at the Ogden branch to send someone over....so we thought of Aunt Sue who used to work at Zion's Bank. She thought of a woman that she used to work with who she called & was able & willing to come. She even remembered my Dad from when he used to go into the Zion's Bank Farmington Branch & when my mom passed away. This woman also lived up the road from us when we lived in Farmington. What a miracle & how grateful we are for her willingness to do that! Thank you so much Laura!!!!! When Laura got here, Dad was completely out of it & asleep. She sat down at the table to fill out her portion of the papers & her notary journal. Before we walked into Dad's room I said a prayer in my heart that Dad would be able to wake up & sign these papers & understand what he was signing. The moment I finished my prayer...Dad opened his eyes & became more alert than we had seen him the past day! It took some time for him to be able to hold his pen & understand exactly what he was signing but he did eventually understand & sign his name so that Cathy would have the ability to take care of things!!!! Dad was alert for about an hour after that while Uncle Andrew, his wife Katherine, & cousin Greg came to visit. He did eventually become anxious & restless & wanted to get up to go to the bathroom. After that he decided to go to his bed......he finally became relaxed....& he hasn't gotten up since.
Dad did also mention yesterday that he saw Eino-Eino is our mom Karen's biological father who left when she was about 3 or 4 years old. So none of us ever knew him. How wonderful it is to know that our Mom is with her father again & that Dad will be too.
None of us know at what hour Dad will leave this life....but we know that time is near. We know that it is okay. We know that we have been blessed to know Oz. We know that we will live together again someday. We know that he will be near us & watching over us. Daddy.....we love you soooooooo much!!!! You have been the BEST Dad we could have asked for.......God be with you till we meet again........

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! But we still need some tylenol :).......

Wow....when I mentioned this would be a roller coaster ride I definitely didn't think it would be as big & fast as it has been!!! Dad is still "out of it" most of the time. He is confused a lot, says random things that you just have to go along with otherwise he will get upset, & luckily he sleeps for a decent amount of time here & there.  Tuesday he actually slept really well! He slept from about 12:30pm until about 11:30-12 am. He woke up, got up to use the bathroom, ate a little bit of yogurt because he hadn't eaten or had a drink of anything since breakfast & we also needed to give him his antibiotic for the pneumonia. He just wasn't hungry through out the day or wouldn't wake up enough to even respond. Most nights are more difficult than the days. Us kids & Cathy have spent many hours awake helping him, talking to him, massaging his feet or side where he has the most pain & just sitting close to him while he sleeps in case he wakes up at any moment & tries to get out of his chair by himself. Thankfully he was blessed with 5 big, strong sons & has 2 big, strong son-in-laws because at the moments when his feet & legs are weak, the boys are the only ones who can get him up & going where he is wanting to go. One of the "stages of death" is restlessness. He has definitely been experiencing this the last couple days.
My dad has always been a little bit of a "worrier for others" & I think at this time in his life that is escalating. Yesterday he had a moment of crying & tears streaming down his face because he was worried about Cathy & Jared. At one point he sat up in his bed, I asked him, "Where are you going Dad? Is there anything I can get you?". He said, "Yes there is. Could you get me a new car?" I said, "Sure, I will try & work on that! Can I get myself one too while I am at it?!" :) He said, "Oh yes, that would be wonderful." About an hour later, he picked up a small cane & hit it against the wall....this may sound weird but actually this is his normal way of calling for Jared who is usually in the family room on the other side of the wall. I said, "Dad, are you trying to call for Jared?" He said, "Yes." I said, "Dad, Jared's not here right now. He has gone to pick up his kids in Blanding but he is on his way back right now." Dad said, "Oh, okay good. He was able to get there?" Kim said, "Yes Dad. Jason drove him in his car & he is on his way back." I think Dad interpreted this in his brain at some point that Jared got a new car because this conversation came up again a little bit later when Kim's husband, Scott asked if there was anything he could get him. Dad said, "Yes, you can. Could you get me a new car?" Scott said, "Sure I can try...can I get myself one while I am at it?" Dad said, "Yes. That would be nice." Then Dad started to get up out of his chair. We said, "Where are you going Dad?" He started crying & said, "I want to see the new car.....do we have a picture of the new car?" Scott said, "Oz, I'm not sure. Let me see what I can find." We just looked at each other like, "What are we gonna do?!" Scott came back in with a magazine & looking a little nervous he handed the magazine to Dad. On the page was a picture of a beautiful truck. Still crying, Dad said, "Oh that is a nice car!! I am glad we will have this new car." We all let out a huge sigh of relief! I said, "Dad! You could go wheeling in the mountains in that truck! & all your fishing poles will fit in the back!" He just looked at the picture for a little bit & then eventually gave the magazine back to Scott. It's times like these where tears just well up in your eyes.....because it is so hard to see him this way....I just want to be able to fix all of his worries & let him be at peace. These times just remind me how caring of a man he is & always was for others. That even though at this time he is not the same Oz & Dad we have grown up with through the years & he is in so much pain & confusion he is still worrying about his family.
Last night I was not able to spend the night at Dad's house because I needed to come home & take care of my baby & I think I had hit my point of exhaustion. A total of 20 hours of sleep in 4 days is probably not the best thing! :) But I spoke with John last night before I went to bed. He said at one point last night Kim was sitting in Dad's room with him. Dad was sleeping but he kept smiling & reaching up for something. A little bit later he woke up, looked over at Kim & said, "Kim, are you scared?" Kim said, "No Dad. Are you?" He said, "No, I'm not scared." Kim said, "Dad are you seeing places?" Dad said, "Yes." Kim said, "It's beautiful there huh?" Dad said, "Yes it is!" Later last night, John was sitting with Dad. Dad kept asking John to "open the door....I can't get it open John...it's right there in front of me but I can't open it." John said, "Dad, I can't open that door. But you know if I could open it for you, I would."
We know the time is getting nearer & nearer each day. Dad was given a beautiful blessing yesterday by Mike (Cathy's nephew who she helped raise & who my Dad helped raise when Cathy moved up here from Las Vegas in 1989). I think that blessing has helped give Dad some peace. Dad has been worried that he isn't "good enough" or hasn't lived a "good enough life"....we all know that he has!!! & in the blessing Mike told Dad that he has & that our Heavenly Father is proud of him & is waiting with open arms.
On this Thanksgiving day, how grateful we are to have the knowledge we have. How grateful we are to be members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints...to have the knowledge of eternal families. To know that we will see our Mom & our Dad again someday. How blessed we are to feel the spirit of our loved ones still even after they have passed through the veil. Although many tears have been shed the last few days & I'm sure many more will be shed....how blessed we all have been to have known Oz. How blessed we are for the man he is & the lives he has touched.
Thank you to all of you...for the stories, words shared, & prayers on our behalf. We are grateful & blessed for all the wonderful family members & friends that surround us each day.
I will try to not take 2 more days again to keep you all updated. :) But my brain was definitely not thinking straight to even make a little bit of sense! :)
Again....if you have any stories or pictures...please send them to jiggyjaydub@hotmail.com

"Holy %*#$! Where's the tylenol?!!!!".....

:) for all you Chevy Chase, Christmas Vacation fans out there (as our family is...we watch it every year on Thanksgiving Day), I hope you all got a good laugh from the title of this post! :) For now we are trying to laugh rather than cry.
Yes it is really the time this post says it is. Most of us kids have been hanging out at Dad's house since about 6:00 pm this evening. Things have kind of taken a turn for the worse. By his own choice, Dad decided he wanted to come home from the hospital tonight. He is home but not doing so well.
The stages of death are definitely beginning to happen. Before Dad & Cathy left the hospital today the Hospice nurses had a talk with Cathy. They explained to her that after observing Dad today that he is showing definite signs that the cancer has spread into his brain. They also mentioned to her that most people they have seen at this stage are lucky if they make it two weeks. Yep....2 weeks. Only time will tell. 
A Hospice nurse stopped by the house tonight to bring some medications for him. She also spent about an hour talking with us kids & answering questions. She said every person is different & everyone goes at their own time. After the nurse left we kids were all still sitting around the table talking. We looked into Dad & Cathy's bedroom & this is what we saw......

 Dad & Cathy sleeping.....

Yes we all had to look...even the boys...& yes we cried too! If only we had a recliner big enough for both of them to fit in. That recliner is where he has been most comfortable. The minute he got home from the hospital that is where he sat & he actually had a good sleep for a few hours.

We were reading Dad the comments made on the blog by all of you wonderful friends. We asked him if he remembered each person before we would read who said what & he would nod his head yes &/or smile. I know he heard every word even if he didn't respond every time.  Thank you again to all of you for sharing your love & words with us! We know that the next few days or weeks or whatever time we have left are going to be rough but your words definitely help! We are truly grateful for our Dad & the wonderful person he is!

Even though the day & the hours here at home have been rough....Dad still has his sense of humor! Joe walked into Dad's room tonight to say goodbye to him. I said, "Dad, here's Joe." Dad opened his eyes & looked at Joe. Dad said, "You've gained some weight!" We all laughed. Then Dad closed his eyes for a few seconds. He opened them again, looked at Joe & said, "That's a horrible thing to have happen in your middle age." I said, "What's a horrible thing to have happen in your middle age Dad?" He said, "To lose all that beauty & gain the weight!" We all had a good laugh over that one!!!! :) (I still think you're pretty Joe! :])

The Hospice nurse compared the dying process to a roller coaster. Well...everybody buckle up...it's gonna be one heck of a ride!

More sweet words from the blog comments & facebook....

Thank you all for sharing these thoughts! You are bringing hope & strength to our lives!

"I am so deeply touched by your beautiful tribute to your dad and the way you express your love for him. He must be so honored and proud. Please tell him how much we love him and how sorry we are for all he is going through. I agree with you that he is a tower of strength. I remember when he called me to tell me about my best friend, your mom, passing away. It was so unexpected and his main concern was for me and how I was taking the news. What a remarkable person he is. We love you all so much."
~ Mary Bartschi ~

"Our prayers are with you and your entire family. May you know of our love and concern for Bishop. Please continue to keep us posted on your blog. What a tribute to a wonderful man it is."
~ Ken Pifer ~

"OUR PRAYERS ARE WITH OZ AND ALL THE FAMILY!! WE LOVE YOU."
~ Aunt Betty Bird ~

"Our hearts are so touched when we read these postings! It makes each of us thankful for the Gospel in our lives and the eternal picture!!! We have used Hospice twice for family. They are the most gentle and caring people anywhere! Your Dad is in good hands---The Lord's! You are all ever in our prayers!!!"
~ Diana Quinn ~

"I love and miss all of you guys. Tell uncle Oz and Cathy I said hello and that all of you are in my thought and prayers."
~ Dan Cook ~

"I am so sorry to hear about your dad. He is a great man, and was one of my most memorable bishops. My prayers will be with you, him and the rest of your family."
~ Tyler Stout ~

"My heart aches for you and all of your entire family! Thank goodness we know “the rest of the story” - - the Great Plan of Happiness will eventually bring happiness and an eternity of joy! I am just so sad that you have to go through this very difficult time now with Oz, such a dear man whom you love so deeply. But, with the understanding that your time together may be somewhat shorter than you would like, you all have the advantage of being able to lovingly say, “See you later,” and that really is a blessing in disguise. Please extend my love to Oz and Cathy and the rest of your family. You will always have a very special place in my heart."
~ Colleen Paddock

"So sorry to hear about your Dad. I know this is a hard time for you & your family. Your blogspot is beautiful. What a wonderful way to honor such an honorable man. & what a wonderful way to strengthen & support those who love him. Hold to all of those positive thoughts & memories. Love you!!!"
~ Jill Ditty ~

"I am so sorry for all you're going through!! You and your family are always in our thoughts and prayers!!"
~ Wendy Hargis ~

"Continued thoughts and prayers coming your way..."
~ Lisa Kowallis ~

Dianna Kearney said...
"What a beautiful post! Thanks for sharing that. Kim, you have a beautiful way of writing about your dad and your testimony that he helped you to build.
Please give our love to your parents. Your dad is a brave man and I wish so much that Brett and I could be there to hear his talk in Sacrament Meeting. Thanks for explaining everything so well, in so much detail. Our prayers are still with all of you."

Leslie Jensen said...
"That was beautiful and I'm having a hard time holding back the tears. Thank goodness for the gospel and our testimonies that see us through. Thanks for sharing of your strength and testimony. We will continue to pray for your dad and all of you.
Jenny, Thanks for that beautiful post. You do an awesome job explaining and letting us know what is going on. We love your parents so much! Looks like we're both up pretty late. lol. As for Hospice, it is a wonderful program made up of wonderful people who are so kind and helpful. Both of my parents had Hospice so I know you're all in good hands. Tell your parents that we are thinking about them and praying too. Blessings and love to you all. Love, Dennis and Leslie"

Lisa Taylor Sowards said...
"Thank your for sharing that! You have a beautiful understanding of the gospel. Our prayers are with you. Hold on to the Spirit. He will help you to know how to get through. You have helped my testimony today. Love, Lisa"

Lynn Lee said...
"This is very special. Thanks for sharing."

Denise Co said...
"Beautiful and heartwarming...thanks so much for sharing, Kim. You know he(& the entire family) are in my prayers. Love you."

Sioux said...
"I too would love to hear the words he will say to loving friends and ward members about his situation and the belief that his outcome is in the Hands of a Heavenly Father who loves him. I don't know you or your family, but was introduced to your blog thru someone who does. Blessings of strength and love to him."

In the hospital....

Dad was taken by ambulance to the emergency room yesterday (November 20, 2010). He was having pain on the left side of his chest going down into his arm. The ER doctor ran some tests on his heart to make sure he wasn't having a heart attack. Thankfully, the tests for a heart attack have come back negative but he does have plaque in his aorta & he has pneumonia. The doctors decided to keep him in the hospital to administer more antibiotics for the pneumonia. They were going to possibly send him home this morning but decided to keep him a few more days because his oxygen levels are low as well. He has been on oxygen, although he absolutely hates "that thing sticking in his nose"! :) Kim & I were at the hospital with Dad until 3:30 am & were woken up by my child at 8:00 am!! So...if this post is making no sense, that is why! :) We did go visit Dad again tonight & he seems to be doing better & in happier spirits! So that is good!!! Keep him in your thoughts & prayers & hang in there Daddy!!! We love you!

Memories & thoughts from Kim........

Oz's oldest daughter, Kim & her husband, Scott

Daddy/Daughter dates were some of my favorite times.  I remember one night in particular when I was about 6 or 7 years old, we were driving to a restaurant.  I felt so proud to have him as my Dad and blurted out, “When I grow up, I’m going to marry YOU!”  He laughed and said, “Oh, I think you’ll change your mind about that.”  Once again, he was right!  I did change my mind, but I made sure that I eventually ended up with a husband that has all of the same qualities I admired so much in my dad.  He’s an incredibly loyal and trustworthy person….very generous and caring….believes that family truly does come first and tries to live each day as our Savior would have him do.  What more could I possibly ask for?  I’m so grateful my Dad was there to “give me away” at my wedding to a man who is everything I ever dreamed of…Dad set the bar pretty high, and for that, I am grateful. 

My Dad was our Bishop all through my teen years in Moreno Valley, CA.  Many times I have been asked if that was hard.  I can honestly say it wasn’t.  I may not have been the “perfect” teenager, but my Dad always showed unconditional love….no matter what.  Some of the times I spent talking with him as my “Bishop” during interviews are some of my fondest memories.  He had the love of a Father combined with the wisdom of a Bishop.  Not too many teenagers are able to experience that.  He allowed us to learn and grow and make our own mistakes, but was always there with open arms when we were ready to hear his words of wisdom.  He is one of the wisest men I know.  I love that I can always call him with any question and he’ll either have the answer or knows where to direct me to find it for myself.

 When my mom died suddenly at age 45, it was a shock to all of us.  Dad was so strong for us during that time.  I remember one night in particular, sitting in the kitchen and just breaking down.  I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer.  We went upstairs to talk about it.  I cried my eyes out and questioned God for the first time in my life.  How could he take her from us?  Did he even care about us?  Without any hesitation, my Dad quietly turned to the scriptures and quoted from Doctrine and Covenants Section 122, Verses 7-8:  “And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.  The Son of Man hath descended below them all.  Art thou greater than he?”  That scripture is still one of my favorites to this day.  It was a gentle reminder that the Lord is VERY aware of us.  Christ himself experienced more pain that we will ever imagine….he cries with us when we hurt….he understood how I felt at that very moment.  My Dad also reminded me that we will never be asked to go through anything that we’re not capable of handling.  I think of all that my Dad is going through now….all that we’re going through….and I think to myself, are we really strong enough for this?  The answer is YES.  The challenges we face in this life are such a small moment in time compared to eternity.  Some days will be easier to handle than others.  There will probably be times that we feel we can’t take another minute of it.  At those times, I’ll remember the one gift my Dad gave me that is worth more than anything in this world….his testimony of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ….of his love for us….of the plan of salvation and the knowledge that we CAN and WILL be together forever.  When the times comes that we have to say good-bye for a short time, comfort will come through knowing that he’s still around us….helping us in ways that we could never even imagine.  But for now, we’ll enjoy the gift of each day that we get to spend with him….hearing his words that we’ll hold in our hearts forever.  I love you, Dad.  We’re so blessed to have you as the one who is able to guide us and teach us through out this life.  You’ve taught me all of the important things I know….and for that I’m eternally grateful. 

A new road to take....

Where to start??? I haven't posted in a few days because I wanted to see what the decision would be before trying to make sense of it all & explaining it to the rest of you.
As of this morning (Friday Nov 19, 2010), Oz signed paperwork to let Hospice take over at this point. What is Hospice, you might ask? Good question...I asked this myself when I heard that Dad was considering to use this program. So, I "googled" the question, "What is Hospice?". This is the answer I found, "Hospice is a holistic approach to caring for people who are terminally ill. It involves a team of trained professionals, available 24 hours a day, who provide medical attention, pain management, and emotional and spiritual support tailored to an individuals needs and wishes. It's not a place — it's a concept of care that can be provided anywhere. Along with attending to the patient, hospice teams also provide compassion and support to grieving loved ones during the illness and beyond." (http://www.aarp.org/)
What does this mean?
Basically this means that now Dad will have nurses & a doctor who will come into his house to help take care of him. He no longer will be doing radiation treatment at this time. Dad does have the option to change his mind, if he decides, to stop doing Hospice care & get back on the radiation. For now, he feels Hospice care is the road to take. The Hospice care pays for everything - his pain & anxiety medications, counseling, a hospital bed if he eventually needs one, a wheelchair (which would help him out tremendously since his walking has become VERY unstable lately) & counseling services to help him & family accept & cope with this journey we are now a part of.
Now you might be asking, "Why would Oz choose to stop doing radiation & go with this Hospice care?" Here are a few reasons why.......
No, he has not "given up" by not continuing with radiation. Dad has a major fear & anxiety of the radiation process. He has claustrophobia issues & going through radiation gives him great anxiety. When the radiation is being done Dad has a "mask" that is a mold of the upper half of his body that is placed over him & is strapped down to the table so he cannot move. With these last few weeks of radiation they have also strapped his hands & legs to the table so he has no mobility at all. He has felt completely helpless & like he has no control of himself at that time.
The process of getting ready in the morning to even get to the car to drive to the hospital for radiation has also been a huge challenge. Most of Oz & Cathy's nights lately are sleepless nights because Oz is in so much pain on his side.  So with the lack of sleep, the instability of his walking & the mixture of his anxiety & pain it has not been easy for them the last few weeks. Luckily, Jared has been there to help them do whatever Cathy or Dad may need help with! (Thanks Jared for being as strong as you are & loving Dad & Cathy the way you do!)
In talking with Cathy today, she mentioned to me that she has seen a significant change in Dad since making this decision to not continue with the radiation. She said that he has been more relaxed and happier and patient & nice. :) He still is confused a lot & tired but the Hospice doctor seems to think this may be the mixture of the pain medication & anti-anxiety medication he is currently on. The doctor would like to change his pain medication to a more long term medication which will actually make him more alert once it is in his system. They also want to try a different anxiety medication.
Another major reason that Oz has chosen to stop the radiation is because he received an answer to his prayers & questions in a Priesthood blessing that was given to him by President Callister. President Callister is the President of the Bountiful, Utah LDS Temple. President Callister has known Dad since they were small children. President Callister heard of Dad's condition from our Aunt Sue (my Dad's sister who works at the Bountiful Temple). President Callister immediately asked Aunt Sue for Dad's phone # so he could call him. President Callister called & offered to come give a blessing to him if he would like one. President Callister went to Dad's house yesterday & administered the blessing. Cathy said they felt very lucky to have President Callister in their home & to have him give both Dad & Cathy a blessing. She said he has brought peace & direction to both of their lives & to the lives of those that were present.
So....now you might be asking...."is there a time frame or what is the life expectancy???" Really...no human being can answer this question. That decision is left up to the Lord. How grateful I am to have the knowledge of His gospel & to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Personally, I am hoping it's later, rather than sooner...but only time will tell.
His cancer is a very aggressive cancer. It could very likely spread to other parts of his body, especially without radiation. But Cathy said the doctors have also seen situations where this type of cancer could stop where it's at & not spread anywhere else. Hospice says they will continue to watch Dad & see how he does & the signs of possible spreading. Cathy said the nurse who came to their home has 30 years of experience with Hospice...& Cathy was also very excited because the nurse was also named "Cathy with a "C", just like her! :) I can tell that my parents demeanor & spirits have been touched & changed in the last 2 days. I can tell they are both more at peace. I am thankful for the Hospice program & the nurses who in just a short time have helped & given them some sort of hope & relief.
Just a last little side note......Dad asked the Bishop of their ward if he could speak in Sacrament meeting soon. Since Dad has been sick they have not been able to attend church as they have wanted to. He said he wants to speak so he can bear his testimony & let his ward know that he has a strong testimony of the gospel. So the Bishop has scheduled him to speak on the 28th of November. I think this is awesome & can't wait to hear what he has to say!
Thanks for reading this enormously long post! :) & just a reminder....I haven't received any stories recently....I'm trying to get some out of my siblings but I know it's hard....one of these days I will get them! :)  If you have any to share...please email me at jiggyjaydub@hotmail.com

Busy weekend...

Sorry I haven't posted anything new for the last few days. There really isn't anything too new going on with Dad. Today starts his second week of radiation. It has definitly made him tired!
I spent Friday getting Dad & Cathy to the Alaskan Inn for an overnight Anniversary present! We finally made it there! :) Dad said Saturday morning after I picked them up & dropped them off at home that in a few years that will be a night I will be able to look back on & laugh at! Our own "Chevy Chase" experience!!! & that it was!!! ha ha!!
As I have read all of the comments & stories that have been sent to post on this blog...I have thought how grateful I am to have been blessed with the Dad I was given! What an amazing person he is & has always been! This is a picture of me & my Dad at my wedding in October 2007. I am so glad that he was there to spend that day with me! 

 For now...I thought I would share a funny thought that came to my mind as I was sitting here thinking what to post. Growing up I have always remembered my Dad with a little bit of a belly (no offense Dad). I always loved that belly!!! Whenever we would watch movies as a family my Dad's belly became my "pillow". It was the most comfortable pillow ever!!! :) I used that pillow till I turned 9 or 10 years old I think! I'm not so sure how much he enjoyed his belly being "my pillow" but I sure did! Thanks Dad! You've always been one to give to others! :)
Another funny thought...since Christmas is just around the corner. Christmas morning has always been such an exciting morning to me!!! We always woke up way before our parents wanted to be woken up, I'm sure, but we were not allowed to go downstairs to the Christmas tree until everyone was awake. I remember getting so frustrated sometimes with my oldest siblings...Kim & Joe :) because they were always the hardest to get out of bed! Well once they FINALLY got out of bed, EVERY YEAR my Dad thought it was sooooo funny to make us wait even longer while he "took a shower". After a few years of this, I finally figured out that he never came out with wet hair!!! He would never really shower!!! He would just sit in the bathroom while us kids all sat anxiously in the hallway waiting!!!! Funny Dad!!!! He always made up for it though by making THE BEST breakfast after presents were opened! Thanks for the great memories Dad!! We love you much!

**if you have stories or pictures to share...please email them to jiggyjaydub@hotmail.com**

HAPPY 21 YEARS!!!!!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY OZ & CATHY!!!!!!

It's been 21 years since Cathy joined our family...crazy how time flies!!

Thanks for choosing us & taking on the job of raising 7 kids

who had just lost their mom.

You truly are an amazing woman

& you are doing an AMAZING job at taking care of our Dad!

We love you both & hope & pray there are more years to come!!

Update....

Dad started radiation yesterday. They were only able to start the radiation on the tumor in the base of his skull. Dad said the table was too wide & in the way of where the radiation needed to reach to get to the mass on his side. As far as I know they were going to work on fixing that & do both treatments today. I have't been able to get ahold of them yet today so I will upate when I know more.
As far as the confusion with the doctors & what is best for him...the cancer doctor told my parents that the radiation needs to be done on his skull because if the tumor grows it would hit his carotid artery & would most likely cause death. The tumor on the base of his skull is small right now, only 2mm but they can see that it has destroyed a few small areas of bone. So radiation is set for the next 8 weeks, 5 days a week. There are side effects like hair loss on the treated area, reddening of skin on the treated spot, fatigue, headaches, & nausea/vomiting.
I did talk to my sister Kim today & she has talked with my parents. She said Dad is feeling tired & having a hard day today...so they are just gonna take it easy.
When I spoke to my dad last night he did tell me a funny story that he said I could post....He found $40.00 yesterday & thought he was rich!!! So...he decided he needed a little something to help him feel better...he spent a few dollars of it on Beto's Mexican Food! He told me sometimes the foods he loves is what helps keep him alive! :) Later, he realized that $40.00 was from Paul (his youngest son) & Elysia (Paul's wife) for my Dad & Cathy to go out to dinner on their anniversary which is tomorrow! Sorry Paul & Elysia....Dad really needed his Beto's!! :) No worries though...we are making sure they will have an Anniversary to remember!
*If you have pictures/comments/stories to share, please email me at jiggyjaydub@hotmail.com

No word yet....

I don't have any news yet as far as Dad's doctor appointment today but hopefully by later tonight or tomorrow I will post again to let you all know the decision.
Here's more wonderful words for Oz....

We so love you Mr OZ. You are the best!!! Our prayers are with you, Cathy and your family. Judy Cook

Tell dad I said to get well so I can pinch his cheeks again, he is in my prayers. Love you. Aunt Shirley Weathers

Leslie Jensen said…
I am so glad that you started the blog about your dad. He is a very special man and we have a lot of very special memories with him. We always have things to smile about and laugh about when your dad is around. He's got a great sense of humor, a positive attitude, and our lives are richer for knowing him. Dennis met your dad in the mid '80's when your dad was the manager at DI in California and Dennis as controller visited his store. Then your family moved to Utah. They became fast friends (and so did our families) and remained co-workers until your dad's retirement. (We're so happy he gets to go fishing). We lived by each other in Farmington and I'll always remember the surprise 50th birthday party for Oz that we had at our house. He truly was surprised :D Does he still have his Ren and Stimpy doll? he he Remember all the Ernest P. Worrell movies (among others), all the dinners, visiting, laughing, sharing? Oz, hang in there friend. We love you very much and will keep you in our hearts and prayers. Dennis & Leslie

Radiation postponed today & more thoughful words....

As I posted a few days ago...Oz was going to start radiation today. His cancer doctor & the radiation doctor had not completely communicated & his cancer doctor has some concerns she wants to address with my Dad before proceeding with the radiation on the base of the skull. She is mostly concerned with the risk factors of radiation that close to the pituitary gland. My Dad said that "if the radiation is done on the wrong spot by even the slightest bit, it could turn me into a vegetable". Which would not be a good thing!! So the cancer doctor & radiation doctor were going to talk today & decide what is best for Dad & if they will even do radiation on the skull at all. He is going in tomorrow at 1:00pm to talk to the doctors about the decision. Keep him in your prayers & pray that the doctors will know what is best as well!!!
Oz did feel well enough to fishing again today with Jared...even though it was pouring rain & freezing cold outside!! I guess you can't stop a man from doing what he loves to do!!! Cathy (our wonderful step-mom...or 2nd mom as I like to call her) said, "Dad came home...I bundled him up under 3 blankets & he had a good sleep!!" When I talked to Dad tonight he seemed happy & his usual funny self! Love you Daddy! Stay strong!
More thoughtful words were posted that I just wanted to make sure are seen...thanks Sister Kearney for sharing! Even though I was a little girl when we lived in Moreno Valley, CA I still remember you & all the awesome people that surrounded us!

Dianna said…
"Our prayers and thoughts are with our wonderful Bishop Williams and his family. I hope he realizes how many lives he has blessed.

That was a touching tribute to your dad by Ken. We were also in Moreno Valley and watched over by your dad who was our bishop. Brett and I were in the living nativity at the Ward Christmas party the night of that tragic accident that took the lives of three of our ward's young men. Brett and I played Joseph and Mary with our baby son Ben playing the baby Jesus. If I remember correctly, Dean, Jared, and Andy had been shepherds bowing before the baby Jesus just hours before their lives were taken in that accident. It was amazing how Bishop Williams took the part of the Good Shepherd as he comforted grieving families and ward members. He, along with your mom, inspired our ward to have more faith and strength than we thought we had before. Bishop Williams will always be a hero to us for so many reasons. I too am saddened to hear about his poor health. Please give him our love and many hugs from the Kearneys. We will pray for his strength and health."

*If you have stories or pictures to share feel free to send them to me at jiggyjaydub@hotmail.com

More kind words for Dad...

Some of these were posted on the blog & facebook. We just wanted to make sure our Dad sees all these posts...so hope you all don't mind! :) Love you Dad!

"Brother Williams:
You have no idea what you did for my family. My father wasn't active in the church in 1974...wasn't living the gospel in many ways before your chance meeting in the 20th ward in Las Vegas. My parents were on the verge of divorce(which unfortunately finally happened), but because of you and other priesthood leaders, good things happened in our lives. I believe that you helped my father change his life. We(his daughters) were all baptized. Three of the four of us have been through the temple. One of us served a full-time mission. All of us have good, strong families. We have developed a strong love for Jesus Christ and a testimony of the gospel...because you reached out to our hurting family. There is much I am sure that you don't know about my life, but I remember you and Karen with such fondness and love. I remember the kindness and love I always felt in your home. I love Kim as a sister. The Williams family is forever part of my heart. You have lived a simple life..but you have reached so many. God bless you in your struggle. I pray for you often. Thank you for living the gospel. Thank you for not giving up on my dad. You are a friend in the way Jesus described his follows in the scriptures. You made such a difference. People often say they don't know where they would be without the gospel. I do know....and I am grateful for those who have walked the path with me to change my life.
I have great memories of your home. Fourth of July...sometime in the mid seventies, where you and my dad and Barry McLeod hung a pinwheel firework on the tree in your front yard and almost burned your house down. We thought that was spectacular. I think that is the one time I ever saw something close to your wife being angry! I played at your home often. It is a wonderful thing to remember those days.
Hang in there, Brother Williams. My love and prayers are with you. I know that Heavenly Father will do what is best for you. I have faith in Him.
All my love to you,"
Lisa Taylor Sowards - Terry Taylor's oldest

Linda said...
"I love my dear, sweet, soft spoken uncle! You have calmly always been there in my early memories. When I was younger I thought you were older then my Mom. We will keep checking in on you from Las Vegas."


"I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. He is one of the finest men I have ever known. He was always a good friend someone you could count on when times were rough, but also someone to have a great time with when things were good. I love him and your Mom so much, have missed all of you greatly. Your family is a great memory for me and my girls."

Lanny Shea


"I am so glad that you did this. What a special man he is and how great his love he gave to the MV families for many years."

Lisa Kowallis


"Your dad is a wonderful, courageous, thoughtful and caring man. Sending you and your family prayers and strength for each moment."

Natalie Gaudino

Thank you to all of you for sharing!! Also I am working on getting more pictures posted...it's been a little difficult because my family hasn't always been big on taking pictures! If you have any you'd like to share please send them to jiggyjaydub@hotmail.com

Short Update & a wonderful story....

Yesterday Oz felt well enough to go fishing with Jared (his 3rd oldest son)! Yeah!!! Fishing is one of Dad's favorite things to do & he is definitely good at it too!!!
The doctors are starting Radiation on Monday at 10:00 am. Keep him in your thoughts & prayers!!!
Thank you to those of you who have commented/checked out the blog! I received this awesome email from Ken Pifer today via my sister Kim (Oz's oldest daughter). Thank you for the wonderful words Ken! I know that it is stories like this that will keep my Dad with us for as long as the Lord allows!!! We love you dad!!!


"I am deeply saddened by the news of your Dad's health. Just a quick story for you to share with him if you would please.

I can remember back in the days in "Mo-Val", living on Reindeer St., struggling to find myself and in what direction I should steer my life. I was what you could say one that was really on the fence, I could go the worlds way rather easily or chose to go the Saviors path but had no clue on how to do that.

It was a cool December Saturday evening when 3 of my best friends (Dean and Jared Cannon and Andy Smith) were killed in a car accident on the way to a Stake Youth Dance in Riverside. The next day, Sunday morning, I sat in front of Bishop Oz and cried my eyes out, confused at how this could happen, expressing how unfair it was, and asking very simple yet deep questions to get some clarity surrounding the events of the night before. After a few moments of listening to me carry-on, scream, and express anger, he began to bear his witness of the plan of salvation and assured me that I would again, through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, see my buddies again. It was at that moment in time, sitting with your Dad, he changed my life forever. He asked me to visit all the wards that Sunday and deliver the message of the tragic events the night before. Choking on emotions and trying to stop the tears at the conclusion of every announcement that day, I kept repeating in my mind your Father's testimony. I did not have a testimony for myself of the Gospel at that time and it was his words that I grasped and held onto until the small seed very deep within me started to blossom and grow.

I treasure that memory with your Father very close to my heart. He changed my life and gently guided a wandering young man to turn his life around, to choose the Saviors path not the worlds and to start to develop and gain a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. He ordained me a Priest and then an Elder and it was under his "watch" that I put mission papers in and got my call to go and serve.

While on my mission, with the help of countless members of the ward, another life was changed for the better. My father was baptized into the Church. I know that your Father had a hand in that process as well.

What a marvelous man he is, filled with compassion, love, charity, and a willingness to serve his Savior. He is still my favorite Bishop in the world!!!!"

-Ken Pifer

MEET MY DAD.....

OSMYN MERRITT WILLIAMS, JR.

also known as

"Oz"

This Oz may not be THE "Wizard of Oz" but he is stronger & more powerful than any wizard I know! He has a brain full of knowledge, a heart full of love, & more courage than the mightiest lion in the jungle!

In the story The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy is swept away to the Land of Oz by a tornado. She meets a lot of friends but has many challenges along the way. Her ultimate goal is to follow the yellow brick road that leads to "the Wizard". He is the only one who can get her back home.

Like Dorothy, my dad has encountered some large "tornadoes" but has faced each one with determination and faith!

This past February (2010) Oz was diagnosed with one of the biggest "tornadoes" he will probably face in this life- Melanoma (to read more about skin cancer click on this link: http://www.uptodate.com/patients/content/topic.do?topicKey=~aZhxeY09go9p ).

It all started with an enlarged lymph node on the left side of his neck. His doctor gave him 3 rounds of antibiotics just thinking that he was sick & had some sort of infection. After the 3rd round of antibiotics & still not feeling better, the doctors decided to remove the lymph node & have it tested. They soon realized that he had Melanoma & that this was the 2ND site of cancer (they still aren't sure where the 1st site is). He later had a PET Scan & MRI done & the doctor found a new spot toward the back of his neck. They did surgery for the 2ND time & removed 17 other lymph nodes....not to gross you out, but they said they removed a piece of tissue as large as a steak! Yikes!! The doctors were pretty confident they had removed all of the cancerous areas but did radiation just to make sure. We all thought this was great & our dad would be okay!

Last month, October (2010).....Oz went in for a normal PET Scan. They found that the melanoma had metastasized (or moved) to his ribs/spine/legs/pelvic area. The major tumor that has been found is wrapped around his ribs & is destroying some of them. The good thing is that it has not been found in any organs! Last week doctors did a biopsy of the tumor on his ribs & concluded that it is Malignant Melanoma. This type of cancer unfortunately cannot be cured. Among all of this, Oz started seeing things in red, yellow & blue colors mostly when he would wake up in the morning or from a nap. He also started acting disoriented & was unsure of his surroundings at times. His cancer doctor decided an MRI needed to be done ASAP to make sure that the cancer has not spread to his brain. On Monday, Nov 1, 2010 the MRI was performed & the results showed that he has a tumor in the bones at the base of his skull close to the pituitary gland. (Luckily there is no sign that the cancer has gone into his brain, so that is good news!!!!) The pituitary gland is a small pea sized endocrine gland at the base of the brain. This area is very difficult to do radiation on because it can cause so many other problems for the patient. Yesterday the doctors spent about 2 hours measuring his radiation "mask" & getting everything exact & set up to start the radiation on the ribs & the base of the skull. We have not yet heard for sure when he will go in for his first round of radiation. But I will definitely keep you posted!!!

Not only did I want to start this blog to update family members & friends of this journey my dad is about to take but I also want it to be a place where my dad can come to feel the love of his family & friends & read stories to cheer him up!

So.....if you have stories & pictures of my dad or just anything good that you would like to share, we would love to hear it! (Please email stories, pictures, or words of encouragement to jiggyjaydub@hotmail.com) I will post as many as possible, as soon as possible!

My dad recently mentioned in talking to him that he hasn't "put his name out in the world, or done anything major to make a difference in this world". Dad....you have been & are THE BEST dad that anyone could have & that is a MAJOR accomplishment to me!!! You have never given up on any of your children no matter what things we may have done wrong or that has hurt you. You are the definition of unconditional love. You have taught by example & no matter what has happened to you in life...you have always stayed true to who you are & what you believe in. To me....you are the world....you are our hero....you are our Dad...& that is better than anything you could ever be in this world!! You are in our thoughts & prayers & we are all here for you! I love you Daddy!!! We all do!!! Stay strong & keep smiling!

"Any man can be a father.

It takes someone special to be a Dad."

~Author Unknown