I titled this post..."a dream"...because honestly....the last few months the whole experience I wrote about my Dad's cancer & passing away still felt like it was just a dream. There have been days my mind hasn't grasped that it has really happened. & then have been days when I know it has & I am mad because I can't feel him around me & I think about my little girl growing up without knowing her Grandpa.
I think I have mentioned that I was 8 years old when my mom passed away. I remember that day like it was yesterday. From the moment I woke up that morning, August 2, 1989....I felt my mom was near me. I can still see the beautiful clear blue sky outside, the sun shining that morning as I opened my eyes. You wouldn't think the day your mom passed away you would have such a wonderful memory attached to it but lucky for me, it had one good memory....I have known for almost 22 years now, that memory was for me from my Mom...because every time I see a blue sky...I think of her...every time I see a rainbow...I feel her & I know she sent it for me because there are times when I have needed to feel her near me in my life...& at that moment I see a rainbow...with blue sky near by.
With my Dads passing....it's been different.....until 2 nights ago!!!! I have just been telling myself when I have felt this anger of not being able to feel him near me that there are others who are needing him more than I do. Which is probably true. But every once in a while a girl needs her Daddy! & 2 nights ago I was needing my Daddy! I went to sleep feeling a little bit of anger that I still hadn't experienced anything....& then I had a dream......
I really couldn't tell you what was happening before this point in my dream....but all of the sudden out of no where....I saw my Dad & my Mom together....there was another man next to my Mom & in my dream I remember thinking that was my Mom's Dad, Eino....that my Dad had mentioned seeing before he passed away. I couldn't tell you for sure if that's who this other man was because I never met him....I have never seen a picture of him....but the moment I saw my Mom & Dad together I started crying...& I remember saying over & over again "Thank you! Thank you!" I never touched them or talked to them & I don't remember anything else about my dream after this point....but I woke up the next morning feeling peace. I have always known that my parents were together again...but to see that in my dream brought greater reassurance...& happiness. That dream was what I needed. I have had dreams since my Dad's passing with him in them....but NONE of them have been like this one!
I do believe in life after death....I do believe families are forever....& I do believe that our loved ones who have passed away are near us & they know when we need them the most.
As I was searching for a poem I like that comes to my mind sometimes I came across a "you tube" video & lyrics to this song....I hope it brings comfort to you, like it did to me.....hopefully someday I will see a double rainbow & know that it's from my Mom & my Dad!
Look for me in Rainbows
Time for me to go now, I won't say goodbye;
Look for me in rainbows, way up in the sky.
In the morning sunrise when all the world is new,
Just look for me and love me, as you know I loved you.
Look for me in rainbows, way up in the sky.
In the morning sunrise when all the world is new,
Just look for me and love me, as you know I loved you.
Time for me to leave you, I won't say goodbye;
Look for me in rainbows, high up in the sky.
In the evening sunset, when all the world is through,
Just look for me and love me, and I'll be close to you.
Look for me in rainbows, high up in the sky.
In the evening sunset, when all the world is through,
Just look for me and love me, and I'll be close to you.
It won't be forever, the day will come and then
My loving arms will hold you, when we meet again.
My loving arms will hold you, when we meet again.
Time for us to part now, we won't say goodbye;
Look for me in rainbows, shining in the sky.
Every waking moment, and all your whole life through
Just look for me and love me, as you know I loved you.
Look for me in rainbows, shining in the sky.
Every waking moment, and all your whole life through
Just look for me and love me, as you know I loved you.
Just wish me to be near you,
And I'll be there with you.
And I'll be there with you.
Music and lyrics: Conn Bernard (1990). Vicki Brown
I'm so happy you had that dream, and I appreciate you sharing it. It is tender and touching and I can't hold back the tears. I was blessed to know your mom and dad, your mom for too short of a time. They love you and will be nearby, even in times when you may not feel them. Listen to Brent Top's talk "What is This Thing That Men Call Death?" from BYU Education Week. You can also download the transcript. It is really comforting. http://www.byub.org/talks/Talk.aspx?id=3990
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