Wow....when I mentioned this would be a roller coaster ride I definitely didn't think it would be as big & fast as it has been!!! Dad is still "out of it" most of the time. He is confused a lot, says random things that you just have to go along with otherwise he will get upset, & luckily he sleeps for a decent amount of time here & there. Tuesday he actually slept really well! He slept from about 12:30pm until about 11:30-12 am. He woke up, got up to use the bathroom, ate a little bit of yogurt because he hadn't eaten or had a drink of anything since breakfast & we also needed to give him his antibiotic for the pneumonia. He just wasn't hungry through out the day or wouldn't wake up enough to even respond. Most nights are more difficult than the days. Us kids & Cathy have spent many hours awake helping him, talking to him, massaging his feet or side where he has the most pain & just sitting close to him while he sleeps in case he wakes up at any moment & tries to get out of his chair by himself. Thankfully he was blessed with 5 big, strong sons & has 2 big, strong son-in-laws because at the moments when his feet & legs are weak, the boys are the only ones who can get him up & going where he is wanting to go. One of the "stages of death" is restlessness. He has definitely been experiencing this the last couple days.
My dad has always been a little bit of a "worrier for others" & I think at this time in his life that is escalating. Yesterday he had a moment of crying & tears streaming down his face because he was worried about Cathy & Jared. At one point he sat up in his bed, I asked him, "Where are you going Dad? Is there anything I can get you?". He said, "Yes there is. Could you get me a new car?" I said, "Sure, I will try & work on that! Can I get myself one too while I am at it?!" :) He said, "Oh yes, that would be wonderful." About an hour later, he picked up a small cane & hit it against the wall....this may sound weird but actually this is his normal way of calling for Jared who is usually in the family room on the other side of the wall. I said, "Dad, are you trying to call for Jared?" He said, "Yes." I said, "Dad, Jared's not here right now. He has gone to pick up his kids in Blanding but he is on his way back right now." Dad said, "Oh, okay good. He was able to get there?" Kim said, "Yes Dad. Jason drove him in his car & he is on his way back." I think Dad interpreted this in his brain at some point that Jared got a new car because this conversation came up again a little bit later when Kim's husband, Scott asked if there was anything he could get him. Dad said, "Yes, you can. Could you get me a new car?" Scott said, "Sure I can try...can I get myself one while I am at it?" Dad said, "Yes. That would be nice." Then Dad started to get up out of his chair. We said, "Where are you going Dad?" He started crying & said, "I want to see the new car.....do we have a picture of the new car?" Scott said, "Oz, I'm not sure. Let me see what I can find." We just looked at each other like, "What are we gonna do?!" Scott came back in with a magazine & looking a little nervous he handed the magazine to Dad. On the page was a picture of a beautiful truck. Still crying, Dad said, "Oh that is a nice car!! I am glad we will have this new car." We all let out a huge sigh of relief! I said, "Dad! You could go wheeling in the mountains in that truck! & all your fishing poles will fit in the back!" He just looked at the picture for a little bit & then eventually gave the magazine back to Scott. It's times like these where tears just well up in your eyes.....because it is so hard to see him this way....I just want to be able to fix all of his worries & let him be at peace. These times just remind me how caring of a man he is & always was for others. That even though at this time he is not the same Oz & Dad we have grown up with through the years & he is in so much pain & confusion he is still worrying about his family.
Last night I was not able to spend the night at Dad's house because I needed to come home & take care of my baby & I think I had hit my point of exhaustion. A total of 20 hours of sleep in 4 days is probably not the best thing! :) But I spoke with John last night before I went to bed. He said at one point last night Kim was sitting in Dad's room with him. Dad was sleeping but he kept smiling & reaching up for something. A little bit later he woke up, looked over at Kim & said, "Kim, are you scared?" Kim said, "No Dad. Are you?" He said, "No, I'm not scared." Kim said, "Dad are you seeing places?" Dad said, "Yes." Kim said, "It's beautiful there huh?" Dad said, "Yes it is!" Later last night, John was sitting with Dad. Dad kept asking John to "open the door....I can't get it open John...it's right there in front of me but I can't open it." John said, "Dad, I can't open that door. But you know if I could open it for you, I would."
We know the time is getting nearer & nearer each day. Dad was given a beautiful blessing yesterday by Mike (Cathy's nephew who she helped raise & who my Dad helped raise when Cathy moved up here from Las Vegas in 1989). I think that blessing has helped give Dad some peace. Dad has been worried that he isn't "good enough" or hasn't lived a "good enough life"....we all know that he has!!! & in the blessing Mike told Dad that he has & that our Heavenly Father is proud of him & is waiting with open arms.
On this Thanksgiving day, how grateful we are to have the knowledge we have. How grateful we are to be members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints...to have the knowledge of eternal families. To know that we will see our Mom & our Dad again someday. How blessed we are to feel the spirit of our loved ones still even after they have passed through the veil. Although many tears have been shed the last few days & I'm sure many more will be shed....how blessed we all have been to have known Oz. How blessed we are for the man he is & the lives he has touched.
Thank you to all of you...for the stories, words shared, & prayers on our behalf. We are grateful & blessed for all the wonderful family members & friends that surround us each day.
I will try to not take 2 more days again to keep you all updated. :) But my brain was definitely not thinking straight to even make a little bit of sense! :)
Again....if you have any stories or pictures...please send them to jiggyjaydub@hotmail.com
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